Why I Stopped Building My Business the “Feminine Way” (and Started Doing This Instead)

A while ago, someone asked me,

“Who are you beyond your business?”

And I didn’t know what to say.

For years, I defined myself through results: hitting goals, meeting deadlines, getting things done.
That mindset worked perfectly in the corporate world, where everything runs on strategy, systems, and structure.
You show up, you perform, you deliver. And get rewarded for that.  

When I started my own business, I promised myself it would be different.
I didn’t want to keep building from that same push-and-perform energy.
And because I saw so many people online talking about the feminine way of doing business, I thought,
Okay, maybe that’s how it’s supposed to look for me now.

So I tried that.

If you’ve been in the online space for a while, you’ve probably noticed it too:
two extremes everywhere you look.

On one side, the “hustle harder” crowd.
Systems. Strategy. Wake up earlier. Work smarter. Do more. And ice baths 😉

On the other, the “just flow” crowd.
No goals. No deadlines. Just wait for inspiration to strike.

And because I’d spent years working the first way,
I thought maybe the second one was what I needed.

I told myself, I’m a woman, maybe this is how I’m supposed to build my business now.
So I tried to go all in on the feminine.

And while that might be freeing for some, for me it was not at all.
I got completely lost.
I had no structure.
I didn’t get anything done.
I felt scattered, unfocused, and very, very incompetent. 

I had lost everything that made me successful before. 

I believe many of us misunderstand what this whole “feminine business” thing actually means.
Some of us naturally feel more at home in structure and strategy.
Others in flow and creativity.
But we all have both energies within us.

And the real magic happens when we let them work together.

(And the funny thing is: even the people who say they’re “all in their feminine” still have systems, funnels, and calendars running in the background.
So maybe it’s not about choosing sides at all.)

The Moment I Realized Business Is a Dance

Once I stopped trying to pick a side, things started to make sense.

I like to imagine a classic dance couple on stage.
He leads, gives direction, and creates the frame she moves within.
She brings color, movement, and emotion.

If he held her too tightly, she couldn’t shine.
If he didn’t hold her at all, she’d lose her balance.
And without her, he’d have nothing to present.

That’s how I see business now: a dance between structure and flow.
Between direction and creativity.
Between logic and intuition.

The structure (the masculine energy) builds the stage: your systems, planning, and actions.
The flow (the feminine energy) makes it worth watching: your ideas, creativity, and connection.

Neither works without the other.

When I only worked from structure, I got things done but had no sparkle.
When I only worked from flow, I was full of ideas but had no traction.

The magic started when I let them move together.
When structure supported creativity  instead of suffocating it.
When creativity guided structure  instead of fighting it.

That’s when I finally found my own flow in business. 

How to Find the Dance in Your Own Business

In my experience, it’s all about awareness. 

Appreciating both sides and allowing yourself to feel where you are. Both are equally important for your business. 

 It’s about noticing when one side takes over and inviting the other back in.

If you’re stuck in structure: loosen your grip.
Let one thing be “good enough.” Take a breath before you act.

If you’re lost in flow: bring in gentle structure.
Write down your ideas, choose one, and take a small next step.

And a few times a day, check in with yourself:

“What’s here right now?”
“Where can I take action?”
“Where can I let go?”

That’s the dance and it’s always moving.

I hope this helps you find some ease in all that overwhelming noise out there. You don’t have to build your business the masculine way or the feminine way. There is not ‘only one way’. It’s about finding a rhythm that works for you. And I believe dancing this dance is one that helps you take all of you with you on this journey. And having a balance and therefore sustainable flow.  

The art is knowing when to lead and when to follow.
When to plan and when to pause.
When to take action and when to allow space.

You look good on the dancefloor, baby 🙂

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